As Liverpool celebrate their first year of having a Family Drug and Alcohol Court, we hear from those who it was designed to support; the families of Liverpool. Two parents took time to share their experiences of working with FDAC, after years of being known to services and remaining stuck in the vicious cycle of substance use, domestic abuse and social care involvement. Their words share clearly and powerfully the value of this way of working and what can be achieved when this opportunity is available.
Hello,
I would like to tell you all a little bit about me and my journey through FDAC. I'm a mother to my beautiful children and I started my journey with FDAC this year.
I had no idea what FDAC meant, what it entailed or that it even existed.
I am here today as I now know what FDAC is - it's an opportunity to get back control of your life when you thought it was lost forever.
I came to FDAC as a shell, a nervous wreck, I couldn't look anyone in the eye and I burst into tears as soon as anyone spoke to me. I was scared, anxious and didn't want to open up to anyone. If I could of sat there in silence the whole time, I definitely would of. I think actually did once or twice.
But now, that's all changed. And it changed with the help from these amazing people. I got allocated a key worker and they just made me feel at ease and that I was in a safe environment. I became more and more relaxed and was able to open up more every time I saw them. There was no judgement, no nothing, apart from patience, respect, advice, support and reassurance. Now I can't stop talking because they helped me to find this confidence in myself.
I also completed their parenting course. This was a course I thought I shouldn't really be in. I thought, I know how to raise my children I know about boundaries, love and discipline. But what I didn't understand was how my childhood and upbringing would influence how I parent my own children. I didn't know Adverse Childhood Experiences can cause long-lasting negative effects on a person's health and wellbeing which I could then transfer to my children later on in life. I didn't understand the different parenting styles and what they meant. I couldn't understand why my boundaries couldn't just change day by day depending on my moods when they were my boundaries. Doing the parenting course I now know this isn't stability, this isn’t consistency and this isn't going to help me or my children. It helped me to understand my childhood a little better and helped me to understand my children more and how to handle situations in a more positive, constructive, safe and controlled way. It also helped me to have patience because being a parent is the hardest job in the world. I want to thank them for helping me to see my full potential as a parent.
The work on abstinence I did was so too. It gave me the tools I needed in my recovery to make sure I could be present for my family and become the person I knew I could be, but also to be able to recognise patterns, take on board constructive criticism and advice and to learn coping mechanisms that will all help me. I didn't realise if my children grow up watching me use substances as my crutch they are more likely to use it as there's in later life too, As that's all they've seen growing up so they will see that as the norm. I was shown the path I needed to be on, the path I know is right not only for myself, but also for my family and the people around me.
FDAC also includes relationship work I was petrified to start this work. I didn't want to open up about the bad things that had happened. I only wanted everyone to know the best parts so they thought I had it together, that there weren’t any issues, so I would be left alone. But I can now see the importance of talking about things that don't feel right or do not sit well with you. I always said to people it doesn't matter if I had an argument last night, the kids were in bed they weren’t around when it happened, it didn't affect them. I couldn't believe how wrong I was. This work has taught me that I don't deserve to be treated badly, nor do I have the right to treat anyone else badly either. I know now what a healthy relationship looks like so now I have the tools and acknowledgement to challenge situations in a calmer, safer and more constructive way that's safe and right for everyone. I understand the consequences of my behaviours so today I'm able to change them, I understand how these behaviours affect my children and today, I am able protect them.
Being part of FDAC has made me more confident and comfortable within myself, has taught me the importance of life skills, the assets to become a happier and more aware person and the ability to raise a loving, safe and happy family. I couldn't be the woman talking to you now without the help and advice that FDAC have to offer.
Happy 1st Birthday Liverpool FDAC and Thank you!